As I mentioned in my labour and birth post, breastfeeding didn't get off to the best start for Birdy and I, but I'm really proud to say that at 10.5 months we're still going strong.
After a long and fairly traumatic labour, she was jaundiced and weak, and was therefore unable to latch.
Determined to give it my best shot, I called lactation consultants out to my house every day. I hand-expressed and syringe fed in the beginning. This wasn't easy - hand expressing can be hard work and time consuming. I was lucky in that I was able to express quite a lot, although I know of some ladies who really struggle.
It also wasn't as simple as squirting the syringe into her mouth. In order to teach her how to latch and suck properly, one of us needed to put the tip of our little finger to the roof of her mouth squeeze in a tiny bit, and then wait for her to start sucking before giving her the rest.
It was exhausting.
On one occasion, we were nearly re-admitted to hospital because Bird had lost around 12% of her birth weight. The midwife who'd come to see us spoke to a doctor at the hospital who advised she needed 33ml every 2 hours.
I decided to set an alarm so that I never went for more than 2 hours without feeding her. Because she was still so weak, I needed to take her clothes off, blow her face and tickle her feet to wake her up.
Below are some screenshots from my phone. I used to make notes of every feed, the amount she'd taken and the time, for my own records and so I could discuss them with the midwives and lactation consultants.
By this time, my milk had come in and the amount wasn't a problem, but before she was able to latch and feed on demand, I was expressing constantly to make sure my supply didn't disappear.
In doing this, I unknowingly caused major oversupply. This may sound great, but it didn't feel it! I was engorged all the time because I'd let me body think that it needed to make loads of milk all day and night, so if we went out and I didn't express for two hours or so, I would be stinging and in pain.
Bird was still struggling to latch and it was heartbreaking. I decided to invest in the Medela Calma bottle (£15.99 in Mothercare - http://www.mothercare.com/Medela-Calma-Breastmilk-Bottle---150ml/322906,default,pd.html), which supposedly simulates the feeling of breastfeeding, meaning the feeding technique is similar.
On the evening of day 5, I cried my eyes out as I watched Steve give Bird her first ever bottle of my expressed milk. I was so upset because I was convinced this would be the end of our journey and that she'd never learn to latch if we gave her bottles. I really was devastated.
Steve then passed her to me when he went to brush his teeth, and I decided to try again to breastfeed her myself.
I couldn't believe it when she latched straight on! I was so happy, I cried.
From there, apart from blocked milk ducts (OUCH) and the occasional bleeding boob due to my poor girl's struggle with latching, we were plain sailing and I was over the moon.
Birdy was exclusively breastfed up until 6 months, when we continued to breastfeed alongside solids in the style of "Baby-Led Weaning."
Looking back, our struggle didn't actually last long at all but at the time it felt never ending.
We are now dealing with a slightly dodgy latch due to 6 teeth sprouting out of nowhere in the past 4 weeks, but I can deal with that and am confident it will improve again.
There is so much media attention focussed on the "breast vs bottle debate" at the moment with lots of bottle feeding mums feeling attacked and judged, which I find upsetting. I actually feel this way myself as a breastfeeding mum, believe it or not. I find myself not openly talking about breastfeeding unless I'm asked, and even then, keeping relatively closed about the topic for fear of offending anyone.I worry that people will think I'm bragging and I'm really not!
I've been told in the past how lucky I am to breastfeed. If I'm completely honest, this bothers me a little bit as I don't personally feel that luck came into it very much. I struggled immensely. Although I'm very grateful that I was physically able to breastfeed, I also feel that it is a result of determination (or extreme stubbornness) and calling in a LOT of help (sometimes three times a day) from local breastfeeding support workers.
I'm really proud of how far my Birdy has come, and all the sleepless nights (which are still a regular occurrence at almost 11 months old!) are so worth it.
I really love our breastfeeding relationship and hope it doesn't end any time soon.
Love, Gina Xx
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